OK- I have to rant.
I hung out with a regular on Friday night after I was cut, cuz he was fun and nice. I gave the 35yo architect my #. Because he was fun and nice. He's from KY. Has the accent. He's racially unbiased. A Democrat. We talked a lot.
Since then, though, he's made some mistakes. Calling the next day was actually a point in his favor. (I try not to date guys that don't). So was leaving a concise message to let me know, you know, the point. I called him back the next day, concise: told him I couldn't meet up on the days he'd suggested-- I have work and yoga after all!
Since then, he called a few hours later (presumably, just after he got my message) but it was after 11pm! Roomie and I were deep into her "My So-Called Life" DVDs at the time. "That is so inappropriate," she said as I turned off my ringer. He called again today, and both messages were less than concise: "Hey, just calling. Try you later."
Dude. I'm not your girlfriend. Wanna make plans to go chill sometime, cool. But...
I've noticed a trend: The 30-somethings I've dated acted slightly more pressed than their 20-something counterparts. It's refreshing at first. Here's this guy that knows who he is/what he wants, has intelligent things to say, we laugh, the works. And I'm only dating nice guys now. So, these nice, cute 30-somethings seem, at first, like a huge find.
(Still, I'm always secretly suprised by their interest in me. I mean, what do I have in common with a 30-something who is established?? NO-thing! I can hold my own in a convo with anyone, but... my lifestyle is very... well, read the profile!)
But the 30-something's knowing who/what he wants becomes more like a possessiveness. It's not that I can't feel that way about someone. But I can't feel that way about someone as fast as they do. I've dated a few now. The first time it took a month for him to want to call me "girlfriend." The quickest one did it in 3 dates. Is it just me or does "I've been here yesterday, I'm here today, and I'll be here tomorrow," sound more like a threat than a promise? (Besides, that was the 3 date guy, and technically, he wasn't there yesterday, and it was presumtive of him to think about "tomorrow.")
This 35yo architect guy is not that bad- yet. He hasn't had the chance. I'm not trying to make his phone faux pas into something larger, but it fits the trend above. Or maybe I'm just gun-shy. But I ask you:
Is this simply a Catch-22 issue? Do older guys only want younger girls cuz they want to get all clingy with someone who's slightly less 'formed,' if you will? I don't want a man that can't handle women his own 'size'. I hope to be one one day.
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10 comments:
is there maybe an "I'm getting older, better settle down fast" thing going on here?
hehe. Perhaps. But: 2 things: I didn't think guys had "biological clocks." And, (is this insensitive?) why is it my problem? LOL.
I use N.M.P. as my justification for not caring about a lot of things.
N.M.P.: Not. My. Problem.
That said, I don't see it as a biological clock as much as it is a mental thing. If someone's worried about being alone for the rest of their lives or being married by a certain age then I suppose it could be an issue.
NMP-- I LOVE it!
I've touched on the 30+ guy a couple of times in my own blog. Brief recap for you: 31yo guy, met at local bar in Sept. Called that same night, 2 more times in the next 3 days, but I was out and missed them. Ran into him again at waitressing job a few more times in the past 4 months, he starts calling again, for a solid 2 weeks after each time. It's not that I don't like, or particularly do, but for having had only 4 live in person encounters with him, less than 10 minutes total phone time with him, something doesn't add up given his zeal.
As for his biological clock, he's divorced with 2 kids, 8 and 5.
It depends on the age gap. My Charming Fellow is a mid-30-something and he's a gem. Doesn't call too much or too little.
I'm really not sure it's so much an age thing as it is a confidence thing.
Cookie, you hit it on the head. Confidence. They're older. They're wiser. Why not more confident?
Over 30's are most likely no different than 20's except that we're not expecting someone to keep us guessing. Over 30 you think you know it all. After more long term relationships you get used to people telling you what they think straight away. If you were in a 10 year marriage, and you called you wife too often, she would tell you to knock it off. I suspect it is not a failure to try to follow etiquette, but forgetting their is etiquette. I recently did the too much too soon, hopefully she will not tell me I'm a dork, but just make me wait and realize what is appropriate. I suspect over 30's want under 30's because the over 30's have way too much baggage, and appear desperate - like the over 30s? I find under 30's (25-28) mature but refreshing because they do want to just "date". And what is appropriate? I mean, I went out two nights in a row recently, and now I'm worried if I call her within the next few days she'll think I'm weird. How do you gauge it?
Whatever happened with saying whats on your mind to the other person. If the guy called too late while you were watching some mindless puerile made up drama, that's overly important to you, tell him. As you get older and realize how difficult it is establishing relationships, you will learn that "expectations of other people being mind readers" is a luxurious fantasy.
One of the most interesting and worth reading blog I read.
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