The hardest lesson I've had to learn (& relearn) since being away from my family is that though you'll painstakingly put a pseudo-family together for yourself, most of those elevated friendships will never be as loyal or as solid as the relationships with your family. Many won't even pretend to be.
And it's fine. I'm fine. It's been over a week, and I doubt she's even noticed. She's busy.
Here's my question though:
If this is what it's like with your girlfriends, how can one ever create a more solid and real family with a man? What would make a man want to do the unconditional stuff that so few girlfriends will? Can you ever have unconditional anything with someone not related to you by blood?
3 comments:
I know what you mean... I have to keep telling myself that these people know us at a very specific time in our lives. They know only the early-20-something version of their friends. And since no one involved has consciously stated out loud that they will be there for all the boring stories and the messy bits that make up a whole life, they can't be expected to be unconditionally there. It doesn't mean that they're bad friends or bad people, just that they have limits and are operating within them.
Plus, we don't have sex with our girlfriends. I've been told that's a big reason why guys both come into the picture and stick around : )
It's not the sex.
It's a conscious constant choice to be there and be family (in love).
Your girlfriend is not committed to you. You may have a good time with her, and be friends, but the bond of a family/relationship is to daily seek to fill the other person's needs. That's why family is so strong- because your parents have been doing that since your birth.
At the end of the day, your friend #1 goal is to watch her back, not yours. In a marriage, the man's goal is to give to the wife. Vise versa.
=/ Sorry bout your friend.
Can you ever have unconditional anything with someone not related to you by blood?
In a word, yes.
It takes time though. You have to build history together. Somewhere along the line, after enough history has built up, if you find that your love for someone is rivaled only by your respect and admiration for them, that's when your feelings start becoming unconditional.
With any luck, Miss Roar, you will not have to wait terribly long to experience this for yourself. It's slighly scary, but mostly wonderful.
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