I've been single for a while now. Like, years.
I've found that single is most fun when I have a rotation going. Because I watch too much Sex and the City, I guess. Because I take the "eggs in one basket" saying to heart. Or because MamaRoar always stressed "dating around" back in High School when I was still too gawky for anyone to be banging down the door. (I'm over it. *Sigh*) Anyway.
It's been rare that I've come out of my usual MO: Rotation Mode. (Which, when you think about it, was just an insecure, defense mechanism more about hedging my bets than actually trying to attain intimacy). The instances were rare, but the reasons relatively simple. It was the kind of conversation that went on for hours. Or I really admired him. Or he ate it like a champ. ...but I digress. (Another post, another time).
The thing is, I've now found myself in a weird place. I'm dating one person who has respectfully requested that I not date anyone else. And I'm excited to comply. But MO-changing is difficult. I'm not sure enough people give that topic the lip service it deserves. Can that really happen over night?
Don't get me wrong. I'm not accepting any more dinner invitations. I'm not giving out my number and I'm not drunk dialing the fuck buddy. I like this guy. But years of being breezy, flirtatious Roar is a hard habit to shake.
I actually even considered not telling the people at my new job about this new thing because, well, it's new. But also: I wondered if they'd treat me the same way.
I guess the quandry beneath all of this is:
If I'm not "Available" who the fuck AM I?
And further, a process question:
How on earth am I now supposed to relate to other men?
Like I said: I like this guy. Any suggestions? Lip service, here we go...