Acting the Girlfriend

I've been single for a while now. Like, years.

I've found that single is most fun when I have a rotation going. Because I watch too much Sex and the City, I guess. Because I take the "eggs in one basket" saying to heart. Or because MamaRoar always stressed "dating around" back in High School when I was still too gawky for anyone to be banging down the door. (I'm over it. *Sigh*) Anyway.

It's been rare that I've come out of my usual MO: Rotation Mode. (Which, when you think about it, was just an insecure, defense mechanism more about hedging my bets than actually trying to attain intimacy). The instances were rare, but the reasons relatively simple. It was the kind of conversation that went on for hours. Or I really admired him. Or he ate it like a champ. ...but I digress. (Another post, another time).

The thing is, I've now found myself in a weird place. I'm dating one person who has respectfully requested that I not date anyone else. And I'm excited to comply. But MO-changing is difficult. I'm not sure enough people give that topic the lip service it deserves. Can that really happen over night?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not accepting any more dinner invitations. I'm not giving out my number and I'm not drunk dialing the fuck buddy. I like this guy. But years of being breezy, flirtatious Roar is a hard habit to shake.

I actually even considered not telling the people at my new job about this new thing because, well, it's new. But also: I wondered if they'd treat me the same way.

I guess the quandry beneath all of this is:
If I'm not "Available" who the fuck AM I?

And further, a process question:
How on earth am I now supposed to relate to other men?

Like I said: I like this guy. Any suggestions? Lip service, here we go...


yo daddy said...

"Ate like a champ...." No comment on that one. Anyway... I guess at various times i've been aflected with similar dating philosphies. But I feel that when you really start connecting with a person, all those others kinda fade into the background its only when they're not filling something that you once again begin to reach out to your "rotation".
Two.. I don't think of you as a "flirt" you just have a overabundance of personality for a female. Just because you get along with other men doesn't necessarily constitute "flirting" (although you could debate that to most guys it does) I could probably count the amount of females who are REALLY fun to be around on one hand (at least from a guy's standpoint).
If you like dude...do what you do but there's no need to change who you are. Everytime you make a joke to a guy your not gonna immedietely jump into the menagerie.

yo daddy said...

Oh....btw holla at me woman...seroiusly

E-rocks pad of joviality said...

Tricky Tricky.

Hakum is absolutely right here. The key is to really not change a single about YOURself. Yes, going out, getting hammered, walking the fine line between flirting and promiscuity are all parts of your (in a more general sense) personality. But toning down one aspect of your personality for another doesnt nessicarly change who you are.

Hak said it right, if you want to be a flirt, be a flirt. Hell ill even go out to say that its ok to give out number (if you play it right). Ive learned the past 11 months (and yes i defintly had to LEARN) that its more of the game then it is the actual outcome in terms of flirting. Whenever I think back to all of the random hookups ive had throughout college what truly matters 99 percent of the time is the night up to getting the number(the kiss, the make out, the take home, etc etc).

So yeah, you may be a little confused about what happens next now that you have entered the world of exclusivity, but its not like you havent done it before nor do you have to really worry about "who the fuck you are" becuase if things are going well with the lucky dude, you wont be thinking about that ever pestering question.

AKA Being in a relationship shouldnt change WHO you are, it should help you figure out said question in addition to helping you mature and prosper in ways that being single could not.

On a sidenote, could hak and I have like 2 days notice before your random concert texts?

KassyK said...


Ok here are my two cents-I was single until I was 20. NEVER had a boyfriend seriously and was a crazy dater all throughout college. Then I met my now ex and automatically I knew he was the one I wanted to be with. We dated for SEVEN years and in all that time I learned some things.

You can flirt...flirt away but NEVER give out your number...that is just bullshit and it hurts the guy that you are giving it to...pointless. Why make another DC guy bitter? Just say no or say I have a boyfriend.

BUT its also all about balance. Balancing friends and the new man. Still go out with your girls and party it up but don't neglect the man waiting for you at home...and vice versa. Your friends are always there for you...who knows about the guy? Just balance. It takes a while but its attainable if you work at it.

ALSO-I am starting a new job too in two weeks and I decided not to be open about my blog...Its just easier that way-then maybe if you are there for 6 months plus and find people you feel are trustworthy--tell a few.

Good luck and congrats. Its always fantastic when you find the one that actually makes settling down with one person not so scary...but exciting. :-)

Lucky said...

The way to relate to your guy friends is to post on their blogs again, which you stopped doing for some reason. :-p

Marci (aka Baby Banana) said...

Kassy has a really good point - if flirt is in your natur, don't give it up. You just tame it back. Have a good time, but make it casually clear that you have someone and don't give out the digits. I was in a relationship for nearly 8 years and got by fabulously this way...

Sharkbait said...

I guess to me Kassy and Banana girl are saying in way to just be yourself. As cliche as it is. That's why he likes you right?

Just watch the boundaries, and like Marci said, don't stop, just tame.

Goodluck! How exciting.