7.24.2006

Acting the Girlfriend

I've been single for a while now. Like, years.

I've found that single is most fun when I have a rotation going. Because I watch too much Sex and the City, I guess. Because I take the "eggs in one basket" saying to heart. Or because MamaRoar always stressed "dating around" back in High School when I was still too gawky for anyone to be banging down the door. (I'm over it. *Sigh*) Anyway.

It's been rare that I've come out of my usual MO: Rotation Mode. (Which, when you think about it, was just an insecure, defense mechanism more about hedging my bets than actually trying to attain intimacy). The instances were rare, but the reasons relatively simple. It was the kind of conversation that went on for hours. Or I really admired him. Or he ate it like a champ. ...but I digress. (Another post, another time).

The thing is, I've now found myself in a weird place. I'm dating one person who has respectfully requested that I not date anyone else. And I'm excited to comply. But MO-changing is difficult. I'm not sure enough people give that topic the lip service it deserves. Can that really happen over night?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not accepting any more dinner invitations. I'm not giving out my number and I'm not drunk dialing the fuck buddy. I like this guy. But years of being breezy, flirtatious Roar is a hard habit to shake.

I actually even considered not telling the people at my new job about this new thing because, well, it's new. But also: I wondered if they'd treat me the same way.

I guess the quandry beneath all of this is:
If I'm not "Available" who the fuck AM I?

And further, a process question:
How on earth am I now supposed to relate to other men?

Like I said: I like this guy. Any suggestions? Lip service, here we go...

4 comments:

KassyK said...

YAY SOMETHING I AM A PRO AT--

Ok here are my two cents-I was single until I was 20. NEVER had a boyfriend seriously and was a crazy dater all throughout college. Then I met my now ex and automatically I knew he was the one I wanted to be with. We dated for SEVEN years and in all that time I learned some things.

You can flirt...flirt away but NEVER give out your number...that is just bullshit and it hurts the guy that you are giving it to...pointless. Why make another DC guy bitter? Just say no or say I have a boyfriend.

BUT its also all about balance. Balancing friends and the new man. Still go out with your girls and party it up but don't neglect the man waiting for you at home...and vice versa. Your friends are always there for you...who knows about the guy? Just balance. It takes a while but its attainable if you work at it.

ALSO-I am starting a new job too in two weeks and I decided not to be open about my blog...Its just easier that way-then maybe if you are there for 6 months plus and find people you feel are trustworthy--tell a few.

Good luck and congrats. Its always fantastic when you find the one that actually makes settling down with one person not so scary...but exciting. :-)

Anonymous said...

The way to relate to your guy friends is to post on their blogs again, which you stopped doing for some reason. :-p

Marci said...

Kassy has a really good point - if flirt is in your natur, don't give it up. You just tame it back. Have a good time, but make it casually clear that you have someone and don't give out the digits. I was in a relationship for nearly 8 years and got by fabulously this way...

Sharkbait said...

I guess to me Kassy and Banana girl are saying in way to just be yourself. As cliche as it is. That's why he likes you right?

Just watch the boundaries, and like Marci said, don't stop, just tame.

Goodluck! How exciting.