Let's get the Life Lessons started, shall we?
K and I have had the same experience with 2 different men over a span of 4 months (not necessarily the past 4, just the same 4). This makes me think that this is something of a phenomenon. And though supportive of one another we may be, helpful... is another story. Neither one of us can see the forest for the trees, and I'd hate to deal with this for another year.
So (with life-cramming in mind) Riddle Me This:
K and I, with similar "Father Issues" are most often the noncommital ones in relationships. Both men actively persued us, respectively (K and I don't share. Not like that. Not ever.)
This persuing took place for a month- 4 months (also respectively).
However, the minute K and I gave up the French Chick act and warmed up to them (on completely different schedules) both men completely flipped their (again, respective) scripts.
When the previous day they were spouting words like "pursuit" and "girlfriend" the next day they were "not ready." The rug was completely pulled out from under us.
So... what happened here?
For the record: Sex was not the catalyst for said Script Flipping. One relationship was already sexual, one never was.
The question is this: Why would a man talk himself (and someone else) into a relationship that he ultimately doesn't even want???
***I think I may have let my 23-Cramming and 66-Sweating get me into some Premature-Multiple-Posting trouble. This post seems to make K and I look slightly pathetic. Whatever. (As I told one guy who asked about my rejection ratio: "...in their defense, they usually get to know me first.") LOL. However, PLEASE don't let this deter you from helping us Double Deuces out.***
12 comments:
Well as long as the posting is all that's premature...
I can't speak for all, but once my Dating Effort Threshold is reached, I am D-U-N done. No questions asked. It just sorta... happens. I try and try and if there's no reciprocation after X amount of time, that's it.
Makes sense. Who wants to bang their head against a wall? (rhetorical).
Maybe the problem with mid-twenty something men is that there are too many fish in the see(women) so they believe they can just swimm around until they are in their mid thirties. I believe this problem has evolved from college where people are prone to hooking up so they try to live out their college days/experiences as long as they can by not wanting to be in a committed/serious relationship and the ones that do are already in a relationship. I think its time for women to bond together and warn the little tikes in college to stop making it so easy for guys to get a hook up then the phenomenon will stop..end to the cycle.
You think our dating pool is being poisoned by GW girls??
Interesting thought. I KNEW we stopped going to Cloud for a reason...! : )
Not just GW girls but all college girls, including Maryland. I believe my observation is relevant to colleges around the country. Come on look at spring break..my experience from spring break was the GW girls being the tame ones and the state school girls were wild and out of control. When we would meet someone on spring break and told them what school we attended they would reply, "Wow, you are smart!"
How old were the guys? That's key...
K, I was teasing your Alma Mater.
Now, Cookie has a fabulous point...
Mine was 23/24.
How old was yours, K?
Cookie- Are you advocating older men? How much older?
Older men are just as schmucky as younger dudes.
I think the good ones are far and very few between. Sorry, it's not advice. I'm just bitter ;)
Agree with Marci, in fact, I find more games are being played here in the 30's than in the 20's. And by the 30's they also have, eek, baggage.
So, here it is. Men like to hunt. Men are natural hunters. If something is too easy and too available to them, they don't want it. Ok, before all the "good guys" start crying, this isn't a hard and fast rule, there are exceptions. But only mature men who have reached adulthood are the exceptions. There are only four of them in the world, and none of them live on this continent, so forget that.
Once something is easy for a man, he thinks it's not worth having. And he tosses it back. Maintain your interest with him when you are together, but, definitely don't be too available.
I know, I know. It sucks. The good ones won't play these stupid games. So have fun in the mean time and look for the mature ones who call when they say they will.
So, here it is. Men like to hunt. Men are natural hunters. If something is too easy and too available to them, they don't want it.
This's hilarious in light of the conversation Velvet and I had yesterday :), but for the most part, she's right. ;) I have no idea if it's how we're socialized or genetic hardwiring, but guys will often go after the forbidden fruit or the unobtainable object of desire, just because we can.
Bear also in mind that men are socialized to believe, even in 2006, that women who give it up too easily are skanks. Of course, every hormone in our bodies is telling us we want to go there, but our enculturation tells us not to.
It's hard out here for a pimp. :)
Seriously, I don't think anyone consciously wants to play games, but there are lots of fears, doubts, and concerns that make it difficult to just say what's on your mind. And yes, sadly, guys in their 30's are just as bad as guys in their 20's when it comes to this.
Whatever happened to dating just for fun (whether or not it gets physical)? Last time I checked having fun wasn’t a waste of time...but i might have missed something.
Why does every single dating experience has to have the potential of being serious?
Just wondering? Please enlighten me
Nanner- Older Men= harmless or looking for someone to control?? (Still working that one out myself).
Velvet- It's easy to act not too interested and just have fun when you're not too interested... but this scenario seems like blatant manipulation to me. You made me want you, and now for the simple fact that you succeeded, you don't want me anymore?!? Grrr...!
Daddy- The lone valid point. If he lost interest, it couldn't have been that strong a connection, huh?
E Rock- I'm always painfully honest. (As certain guys have even complained about on this blog).
Martin- Word. I thought I didn't play games... but today alone I've lied about what I'm doing this week and dodged *another* call. I'm an ass.
Ghetto- See above. It's fun if he's cute but just delinquent enough in one area not to take too seriously. It's even more fun when you get the feeling he thinks you're the bees knees. (Whatever. Everyone wants to be adored...)
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