4.05.2006

Unhooked Generation

aka- "I Want A Stick Figure of Myself"

I really appreciated Jillian Straus' publicist sending us free copies of her book, "Unhooked Generation." I really did. Not that I finished it. Miss Straus had some good points, but I'm not sure I was of her target demographic. For starters, I'm not even in Gen X.

Straus beat her point like a dead horse: that Gen X-ers are too fucked up to date. Which may be true. Lord knows I don't like dating them. But Straus seemed to construe certain situations in that specific vein, when they were not as obviously (to me)stilted in one direction as she would have her readers believe.

Take for instance page 115's story about "Marissa." IM did not kill this woman's relationship. Marissa, to my mind, was merely too much of a pussy to tell the man she liked that IM didn't seem formal or "real" enough to her. Given the chance, he might've changed or explained his attitude toward IM.

Or Susan on page 144, the woman that had flirted with two different men at a party, still undecided as to which she'd rather bring home, when they all hopped in a cab and ended up at a strip club. Personally, I think Susan got played. I think the men found out she had made herself available to either of them- isn't it possible that if they're both at the same party, that they're at least comfortable acquaintances?- and instead of competing for her attention, they decided to give her a reality check. Susan tried to play two men, and they played her back.

Or Liz's story: Sorry to break it to you, hun, but Adam has Herpes or Molluscum or some other catchy-kind-of-thing and waited forever to do the nasty until his outbreak subsided. As for the failed "DTR," all Liz accomplished by pointing out that other men ask her out is create a seed of jealousy in Adam's head. But, clearly, if you say something like that but don't ask for changes in the relationship, you're sending the message that things are cool and you just wanted to remind him of what he has. No wonder nothing's changed.

Honestly, it seems this "Unhooked Generation" is just that because they are incapable of being honest with themselves or anyone else. What's so embarrassing about asking, "Why aren't you trying to get in my pants?,' 'Why do we see each other only once a week?,' 'Why did you guys bring me to a strip club?,' 'I'm interested in sex tonight. Do you think you'd be worth my time?,' 'Would you mind calling me instead of IMing?.'

Why is this Rocket Science?

There are two things in Ms. Straus' book that I took major offense to.
First, the average marriage age of women and men was quoted as 25 and 27 respectively and referred to many different times as "so late." What's so late about 25???
Second, I don't care what disclaimer you put in the first chapter of the book: spending over a hundred pages of the rest of the book referring to the "Evil Influence of the Negative Effects of Feminism," is absolutely criminal. Like, Jessica Simpson kind of Criminal.

And then there was something just plain wrong:
Not all white women want small butts. That's, like, sooo '92. I'm working on a bigger one. "Red beans and rice didn't miss her..."

Like I said though, Jillian had some better points. One of which was that people make snap decisions while dating based on superficial stuff (page 112). That got me thinking. How many times have I ignored a man, outright, because he wasn't 6'0 or couldn't salsa? In response, I've created my own list. These are completely UNsuperficial concerns of mine. I am considering throwing out my old list of date questions (What do you do, How many siblings do you have...?) and just asking the following 8 questions on future dates. Were a man to answer all of them correctly, I might just throw my height/weight scale right out the window for him...

1- Do you go down? With what kind of enthusiasm? Do you enjoy it? How much? Why?
2- How close are you to your Mother?
3- What do you expect from me if you pay for this drink/dinner/ferris wheel ride?
4-When your parents get old, will you put them in a nursing home?
5- What is your idea of a life partner?
6- What was the highest level of education you completed?
7- How do you feel about adoption?
8- What is your experience with organized religion?

...These are the things that matter to me. Why didn't I think of this sooner? ....???
Wudda ya think? Would you ask a guy all this? Guys, would you run for the hills were someone this blunt with you?

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Definitely run for the hills :)

Tyler said...

I think you make some good points here Roar. I haven't read the book, but it seems to me that your honesty take on things is very true. I have noticed that myself, just from listening to and observing people.

As for your list of questions, I think that they could definitely make the average person run for the hills. Personally, I would have no problem answering them. If a guy did happen to give the 'correct' responses, then you would know right away.

I also agree with Barzelay that people waste too much time beating around the bush...

HomeImprovementNinja said...

I think it depends on what date you are on. SOme of those things you can talk about early on, but discussing if they are willing to adopt on a first date, seems a bit much.

Plus, "do you intend to put your parents in a nursing home" seems a bit personal for the "getting to know you phase".

Roar: Since this is the second date, can I ask if you are going to put your parents in a nursing home?

Date: No. I plan on suffocating them with a pillow if they become a burden.

Nicole said...

Besides the fact that the #1 question concerned how much zeal he has for going down, I've heard discussions/complaints of late that many more guys enjoy going down, than girls do. That for girls it's a means to an end, a chore...

Roar Savage said...

Well, I guess this very aptly illustrates why I'm still single, lol! Paul already knew from experience. (Thanks, hon!)

...But to my credit, it's not like I'd ask unorthodox questions stone-faced. I have a disarming charm about me, guys! Give me some credit...

Nic- Don't let his enthusiasm fool you. If you don't know what you're doing it doesn't matter. All I'm sayin'.

Anonymous said...

I'm in agreement with the guys here. I take my wisdom from the wise sage of Whedon--if you can't talk about sex, you shouldn't be doing it. Same goes for everything else in life. It's too short to waste dancing around the issues, and too precious to throw away on silly games.

I'd answer all of those questions in depth, and expect my potential partner to answer all of mine in return. ;)

Let me amend that statement a bit---anything related to dancing (as in REAL dancing) is hardly a waste. :)

Anonymous said...

the real question is did you see your little lion head stick figure I made you? Ha! Thanks again for being uber-hostess last night. It was a great time.

Heather B. said...

Wait a minute...you have a height/weight scale? I feel like I'm so behind on this whole dating thing. And you're a much more thorough reader than I am, which is probably why I did so poorly in High School.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

I agree with Roar, that if you don't know what you are doing, it's a waste of time to go down there.

I think that some guys who are not as familiar with the fenale controls down there will look at it like a person in a crashing plane looks at the controls of 747--with fear and trepidation.

In a lot of ways, it's like dancing. If you don't practice and only do it grudingly, then of course you will be terrible at it. But if you love the work and are dedictated to your craft, and a perfectionist, then it's quite impressive.

As for girls who reciprocate, our controls are much simpler, so it's easier for them to do a good job. It's like driving a Vespa.

Roar Savage said...

VK- "They" may not be, but a Master of the Holla should be ready for the straight forward, right?

Martin- Honey, you just make so much sense, it slays me. Like, whoa.

SweetV- Honey, I loooved seeing my Lion Roar. LOL. (And I love when I can be Uber-anything, hehe. I'm glad you had fun.)

Heather- Former VERY SHALLOW Height/Weight Scale: minimum: 6'0"/175, then each inch should add 5lbs. Like, 175 doesn't look the same on 6'3". (This is a hold-over from dating a HS basketball player. I got very familiar with the H/W of guys cuz that's how he described himself, his friends and other players... and it's a nifty little party trick).

**But all that said, I'd rather have the questions answered correctly than date the perfectly proportioned man.**

Ninja- Omigosh. You said Vespa. Classic!

Anonymous said...

criminal is the right word for calling feminism an evil influence. and historically speaking, in the context of the last 200 years or so, 25/27 is definitely on the young side for first marriage.

Roar Savage said...

Sean- LOL. Word.

Laura- Thank you.

Daddy- Jesus WAS black!