In the spirit of the CVD, I thought I'd share some of the highlights. After all, why should only my close circle of friends benefit from my horrifying experience?
Keep in mind: each of the following were uttered by someone I was interested in while on a date with yours truly. And, for the most part, unless it had to be condensed (or unless noted otherwise) each of these are quotes, verbatim. A few are the same person. Many, however, are not. (There's a lot of duds out there, what can I say?)
What I think you'll find the most astonishing (at least, my friends do) is that I always manage to pick myself up, dust myself off, and head out the door to hear another horrifying quote. Er, go on another ill-fated date.
I graduated the University of Maryland in May of '05. We'll pick up the month after.
- What do you mean you don't want to be my girlfriend?
- What I need to see from you now is an interest in me.
- All the women in my family wear traditional muslim garb.
- I'd love to see you when you're sober.
- The little man under my desk needs to get out more. (Yes, he was talking about THAT little man).
- I'm moving to Prague.
- I sleep around cuz I'm good at it.
- Paraphrase: I called him a diva. He called me a negro. (!!!!)
- I used to weigh 300 pounds.
- Are you always this sensual?
- I'm really terrified of confrontation.
- I'm a Republican. (I cancelled the date).
- I've never been in a relationship before. My boys are my life.
- I live with my parents, and did all through college, too. My Mom makes my lunch for me every morning.
- Can our next date be a sleep-over?
- I'm divorced.
- His favorite book? "Goosebumps."
- I'm not a nice guy. I have a lot of hatred built up. (Dude, look at this list. I'm getting there...)
- I haven't been on a date in a long time.
- I get hit on by gay men every time I'm in Dupont Circle.
- Actually, I'm 36.
June:
July:
August:
September:
October:
November:
December:
January:
February:
So... yeah. How scary is this? Have you ever gotten any of these?
19 comments:
"I sleep around cuz I'm good at it."
lol what an idiot
Well...at least you can keep on truckin' and have a good laugh.
I've had a my divorcee-to-be, with kids, the 35+, the still lives at home with his mom (but he was the boyfriend, and she loves me like a daughter).
My shock though was that you cancelled a date simply because he was a Republican? Is now a bad time to tell you that I'm one too...?
Say it aint so, Nicky dear.
Aw, I'm sorry dear, but I am registered and all. I promise to keep my NRA supporting, Nascar lovin', and immigrant hating, etc. ways to myself. :) And at least I do think W is an idiot, and not God's gift to the nation...
Yeah, we just won't talk about it, hehe. Good idea. Still love ya, though.
I've gotten the "but I'm in love with you!" guy after one date. And when I was your age I went out with the "actually I'm in my late thirties" guy. He was 39. And I did find out a guy was a Republican... after I'd been sleeping with him for two months! (Clearly ours was not a deep relationship.) Not enough showers in the world, my friend. (Sorry, Nicole.)
"You have fantastic headlights."
*DISCLAIMER: We were not in or near my car at the time.
Have you ever stopped to think that you are probably the one with the problem, and not the guys?
OOO anonymous, I was wondering when you were going to grace my blog with your presence. Welcome.
dcb- You have no idea.
B'nanner- but you DO have great headlights... : P
ADub- I think I would die. All 3 of those were QUITE icky.
Daddy- I get EVERY kind of wit. And I assure you they were being completely genuine when they said each. Some already knew how ridiculous they were. Except the diva. He'll never know how ridiculous he is.
Daddy made the point (in another medium) that not all of the quotes were that bad. He thought they seemed to get worse over time. I might be tempted to agree with him-- but my optimism won't give in to that defeatist talk-- yet.
I once went out with a guy who spent his childhood in Paris and started every sentence with "Well, in France we do it like this.."
Au revior, jackass.
Damnit Marci, I told you never to repeat my headlight comment to ANYONE.
Roarsavage this post would be even better with conceptual pictures of what each of the guys might have looked like next to the each quote.
EJ- I wish I knew how to say "Right ON, Sister!" in french.
Rich- Then there would have been too many pics (there were more quotees than there were months). But I'll keep that in mind for a future post.
"The little man under my desk needs to get out more. (Yes, he was talking about THAT little man)."
Awesome.
Yeah, it doesn't get worse than blood suckers. (Unless you're into that). Wish I could top it, and yet, I kinda don't, lol.
The problem with the Desk Gnome guy was that he thought he was making a joke. But he's a work friend that I had been on only one date with. And it was too inappropriate to be funny. And, how do you tell someone that their humor ruined it for them??
"do you really enjoy hitting your head against a brick wall?" (aka "what part of i can't be with you/give you what you need do you not understand?").
that's the best i've gotten as of late.
I think I liked "So, how was the size?" after an evening with someone I dated for a bit.
Seriously.
Lala- Cruel.
Mistress- Pathetic.
maybe the one guy found some literary value in "Say Cheese and Die" ;)
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